Carl MacDonald's twins were born at 27 weeks. He has started telling his story on his blog and through social media, discussing the NICU from a Dad's perspective.
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Being pregnant with triplets is by definition a high-risk pregnancy from the onset. There is no blissful enjoyment of finding out you are pregnant. You immediately get referred to high-risk perinatologist, have weekly ultrasounds and numerous appointments, and immediately start having conversations with your doctors that you never want to have. Parents navigating the decisions that come with higher-order multiple pregnancies (anything more than twins) are faced with impossible decisions from the moment they find out they are pregnant. Impossible decisions. Decisions with no right or wrong answers and every decision simply brings on another question.
Here are the themes we talk about in this episode.
There are no right answers, only answers that feel best for your family.
During your NICU stay, you can and will do hard things. You may not love it or like it, but you CAN and you WILL do the hard thing that is required of you.
While navigating the NICU, there is practically no time to process what is happening. Everything comes so fast, and you are simply focused on the next milestone. And then, finally, there it is — the magical milestone where you get to take your baby(ies) home — NICU Discharge. There is a common belief that if you just can get your baby home, the NICU will be behind you. But in reality, the processing happens after your NICU stay is complete. There is still work to be done so you can process your NICU journey. Additionally, for many babies, medical issues don’t just stay in the NICU. They follow you home.
The gift of therapy.
Do not be afraid to ask for help. And take the help.
Bridging the gap between NICU discharge and initiating intensive therapies.
In our second Practical Parenting Focus on Touch in the NICU Episode, we discuss Kangaroo Care. Also known as Skin-to-skin care, Kangaroo care has benefits to both mothers and babies in the NICU.
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A few of the many quotes I love from this podcast:
The day I went home, I wasn’t prepared for how empty I would feel not pregnant and not with my baby. That night was the hardest night that I had.
Just because you are grieving what you wanted, doesn’t mean you aren’t grateful for what you have.
There is no right way to react to having a baby in the NICU.
The NICU is an experience in the juxtaposition of emotions.
As time has passed, instead of thinking things went wrong and my body failed, MAYBE, I’m living the best-case scenario of an alternative outcome that would have been devastating - and that would have been losing our baby at 20 weeks. In that world, the NICU would have been my dream scenario.
I didn’t feel strong when I was going through the NICU. But I was strong. And if I could tell preemie moms anything, it would be that they are strong. And their baby is strong.
You are not alone.